What does kanyādāna really mean — is the daughter being “given away” like property?

no — it is the parents entrusting their beloved daughter to a partner in dharma, with a promise from the groom; she is honoured, not transferred.

In kanyādāna the bride’s parents place her hand in the groom’s, often with water poured over it, and say they offer her for the fulfilment of dharma, artha and kāma. The groom accepts and promises, “Dharme ca arthe ca kāme ca nāticarāmi” — I will not go against her in dharma, wealth or desires. That promise is the heart of the rite.

The groom in many traditions is honoured as a form of Viṣṇu and the bride as Lakṣmī, so the moment is seen as uniting the divine couple. It is regarded as one of the greatest acts of the parents’ life, which is why it is done with tears and joy.

Today many couples find the word “dān” uncomfortable. Some families call it kanyā-sampradāna or hasta-milāpa, have both sets of parents bless the couple, or the bride’s mother takes an equal role. These adaptations keep the meaning of trust and blessing, and many priests are happy to explain it this way during the ceremony.

Groom’s vow: “nāticarāmi” — I will not transgress · Source: Gṛhya Sūtras; wedding paddhatis

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