What should we give the priests after the death rites — and what if they demand too much?

give a fair dakṣiṇā and the customary items within your means; agree on it beforehand, and give from respect, not fear.

Dāna at the end of mourning is meant to honour the priest's service and to give in the departed's name. Traditionally it may include dakṣiṇā (money), clothes, grain, utensils, an umbrella and footwear, and in some families śayyā-dāna — a bed with bedding and daily items — or a cow (often given today as money to a gauśālā).

The texts themselves say dāna should be according to one's capacity (yathāśakti). It is entirely proper to discuss the fee and the list of items with the priest before the rites begin. Most priests are fair and understanding.

If someone says the soul will suffer unless you give a costly item, you may calmly decline; no genuine teaching makes the departed's peace depend on the family's wealth. Give what you can with a full heart, and consider sharing some in the departed's name with people who truly need it.

Source: Garuḍa Purāṇa; principle of yathāśakti dāna

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